I feel slightly guilty for not posting any entries recently. When I get the urge to write, I'm never home and by the time I do get back, I don't feel compelled to post any longer.

But anyway, I played around with Polyvore.com for the first time today and made an outfit. Boredom does that to me! I love the Chanel shoes. I wish I wasn't so broke all the time, ugh.



~*fierce as hale*~

Two days ago, I met



I drove over to the mall to sign for my severance check (since my workplace is closing down) and had to get a document notarized at a different store. I walked across the mall, had a worker notarize my severance, and as I walked back I noticed a tall man, walking next to his daughter. He looked so familiar and somehow I gained the balls to actually stop him. It was Tony Hale! I'm a huge Arrested Development fan and it's crazy how this never happens to me--I never meet/see people I'm fans of. But it was Buster Bluth, ah! I was so excited. I mentioned to him that I was getting my mom into the show. I should have asked about the upcoming movie, oh well.



That made my afternoon/week/month.

I'm debating whether or not I should make this journal completely friends only or not. I guess in some retrospects, I'll just keep what I'm doing now and post some public posts as well as some friend's posts. The past few months I've made my actual journal entries public, but I'll probably keep those for friends' eyes now. And leave the more general posts open to the public.

But ahhhh, today is such a special day! And I'm extremely, extremely excited about it. Friend's Only post about it later! :)

Yesterday I took my mother to the doctor in Downtown LA. We parked the car and were walking to the entrance of the office when this old man drove up--slowly--next to us, his window rolled down, singing a song in Spanish about a doll. It was really strange, but it was hilarious for some reason. I waited in the doctor's office for about forty-five minutes and finally we headed down to Chinatown right after. Such good food! Kung Pao shrimp, salty squid, and Chow Fun. My mouth is watering just thinking about what we ate. We had a good time talking and enjoying our time in the small restaurant. Tomorrow my mom is actually going in for eye surgery because of cataract problem that's bothering both her eyes. She said the surgery would only last about 20 minutes, but it's unnerving having her go into surgery either way. I'm sure all will go well and I heard that once she's done with the operation, she might not even need to wear glasses anymore! So, that's good.



Friday was Jae's 21st birthday party and I had a good time. It was so nice catching up with people that I haven't seen since high school or haven't kick backed with in a long time. We reminisced about people from the past and even sang along to nostalgic nineties songs. I think I went to the bathroom about ten times that night and Chrystal and Jaime saw my ass all of those times. That's friendship right there.

I talked to my counselor that day as well and she told me that I was missing about three classes to get into Berkeley. Buutttt, if I wanted to go to a Cal State, they would accept me with open arms for the fall. I'm just gonna keep applying to San Francisco State and see what happens. But I'm really looking to going into Cal so I'll probably be at Pasadena for another semester or two. Oh well, as long as I get in and am happy in the end, I don't really care.

Thursday is my economics final! I should really be studying.



But I end up doing this. Oh, procrastination!

I watched Wristcutters a few days ago and I really enjoyed it. It was an interesting take on death and what happens when people commit suicide. Plus, it was a love story and that's always nice. Patrick Fugit is a cutie and Shannyn Sossamon is definitely a babe. It was refreshing to see death in a not so harsh light. And that last scene warmed my heart. Very simplistic, but it got the point across. So, A+.

I recently got back into listening to Last.fm again and there are so many good bands that I have yet to discover! Natasha introduced me to MGMT the other day and I instantly fell in love with their sound. She told me she could imagine me listening to their kind of stuff and she was completely right. I like how my friends know me so well. Also, I like how I listen to a lot of things and not necessarily submit myself to one genre of music. It's fun to be eclectic in musical tastes. But I loathe country music, I admit. I especially dislike hearing the same music over and over again when I work. It's a CD store, for heaven's sake! There are thousands of CDs to mix and match! And yet we still listen to the same Chris Brown CD or same sampler mix. It makes me want to gouge out my ears sometimes.

I'm excited about today!

I was sitting in class this morning, listening to my teacher lecture. My mind started to wander and I began to think of things that have happened in my life. And to be honest, I came to a realization that:

I have gone through a lot of bullshit.

I admit I've made many, many mistakes, but I think I'm a good person with good nature. And a lot of things that I've been through: I didn't deserve it. But I guess that's life--it's not necessarily fair. And the things I've gone through could have been/were learning processes.

Even so, I've been through a lot. And that sucks.

This isn't really an update, it's just a rant. Updates soon.

I've had a long day.
I woke up at noon, had lunch with my mom (as well as run errands), and came back home. In between that, I had talks with friends, which led me to think about of a lot of things.

For one, sororities may not be all that they're cracked up to be. In fact, they can come off as clique-y and even stereotypical. My friend was complaining about how she may be wanting out from one and gave me a good understanding of what they (or maybe just hers) can be like. It's ironic because I was seriously considering joining one once I transferred but one, it's too expensive and two, I don't need anymore drama than the drama in my life right now. I would probably implode from all the negativity. I see rushing as a good opportunity to network, but if you think about it, it's easy to network anywhere. I just have to work on not being so shy when I meet people for the first time. But after that, it's smooth sailing.

I discovered today that my little cousin is a huge picture whore. I wanted to take one or two pictures with my new phone, but he kept insisting "Another picture!" and I obliged. It was fun, I'll admit. I'll have a picture buddy whenever a family gathering arises.

Look, he actually posed like this:


Incredible, huh?

A lot of things have been hitting me hard lately, but I've got to learn to accept it. Like I've said before, once everything is better again I would want to run around town and scream about how gracious I am for the things I love in life. I would declare myself finally and completely happy again. But for now I'll stay silent and wait for that light at the end of the tunnel. It's there, and I'm going to stay on track until I reach that horizon.

I cut my hair this weekend. It's definitely something that I wasn't really looking to get, but I can say I like it. I like it a lot. My barber's name was Steve and he is a painter. He told me that he was moving to San Francisco in March to open up his own shop and that he's been to three or four different universities. He told me that New York is one hell of a place and that I should look into state schools because "college is fucking expensive." He was interesting and looked like Ben Stiller. Good luck in life, Steve.

I've spent my afternoon online, watching videos on Youtube and eating the occasional grapefruit. My mom is making me do the laundry, all three loads, so I've been home waiting for the washer/dryer's timers to finish. I actually tried learning a dance from Jean-Luc Godard's "Bande a Part". Is it the Madison linedance? I actually tried learning from a Youtube video with a small, pointy booted French woman who looked straight out of the future. Needless to say, the dance in the Godard video is way more cooler than what the Madison dance really is. And also, I haven't learned it yet.

I should be working on my college follow-ups, but the procrastination bug has bit me hard. I really want to be watching The Office, sipping a hot cup of hot chocolate, or even talking about nonsense with someone that means a lot to me, but I guess I should start on those follow-ups soon.



Also, it's raining and that has made me undeniably lazy.

"Do you wake up happy?"
"Yes."
"That's good."
"Why?"
"It makes me happy that you're happy."


If someone were to ask that to me today, at this particular moment, I would say no.

I've been having some obscure dreams lately. And I've been remembering them so clearly right after I wake. I have no idea where the topics of my dream come from, have no idea where the people come from. But sometimes it's a nice break from other things that could be haunting reality. Just this morning I dreamed of Avril Lavigne and of her choosing to love the classroom nerd, even though countless guys in the class vied for her attention as well. She handcuffed herself to the nerd and declared herself taken. Also, I just remembered I dreamed of meeting John Krasinski. In the end, I didn't have a good view of him, which in reality, I will scratch out because I imagine he's a really nice guy in real life.

I watched The Diving Bell and the Butterfly last night. Amazing, amazing movie. Bauby's life story was so heart-wrenching and I could only imagine what he must have gone through to wake up in his condition. He had great support, though--people who prayed for him and hoped for his success. I think compassion in human nature is such a great thing. Compassion in anything. In sports, in work, in school. With friends, with lovers. With strangers. It's one of the things that make us love and it's one of the things that really shows me that there are really good people in this world.

I should be getting dressed now, really. I'm going with a few friends to visit my old cheer advisor, who I adore. She's one of those people who would really justifiably give you a "slap to reality" and who have the patience to listen to all the things that could be troubling any person.

My heart breaks everyday.

I realized that I had double mirrors in my bathroom and again went picture happy. I would be lying if I said I didn't like taking pictures and my blatancy is nothing but honesty. I have no shame.

I've been studying all day. My test is tomorrow and as per usual, I'm nervous about it. My professor actually gives us leeway though and allows us to have one page of notes and so my page is crammed with small letters and tiny tiny diagrams. You gotta do what you gotta do, I say. And thank god, Thursday is my last day of class for the week. And Monday there's no school. Hopefully, my weekend will be as eventful as I've dreamt it to be.

I had dinner with Danielle and Audrey at CPK tonight and it was nice taking a break from economic analysis and whatnot. Reliving memories of high school cheerleading is also a good thing and I think I almost busted a liver when I laughed about how Audrey's glasses once flew off her face and how we've actually dropped a person on her face when she was already a foot from the ground. Memories, memories.

I actually should be heading to bed now, but Jane is upstairs and I want to say hi to everybody. That and change. It was a long day, after all.

I was unbelievably picture happy today. I think it's a sickness, taking so many pictures of yourself. I had just came to the discovery that my camcorder tripod can work with my digital camera, so I used that fact to my advantage. I also managed to gather some study time today too, which is good seeing as I have a test on Thursday.

I might grab lunch with Tim and Edwin tomorrow, which is nice seeing as I haven't hung out with them in so long. Thursday is my test and it'll be so liberating just getting it done and having a nice 4 and a half day weekend. Supposedly I don't have class on Monday which is awesome stuff. Friday is a barbecue that Jane is hosting and we'll all be able to relax since it's her and Audrey's last weekend here. Just some meat, sweet tunes, and nice cold beers to distance us from the fact that winter break will officially be over by next week. But until then.

It's already 10:04 and I should be heading to bed. Sleeping for eight hours makes me feel so nice in the morning!



Oh, and I liked my outfit today.

I did horribly last semester with my chemistry, economics, and math classes. So horribly for my standards at least. I'm an A-type of gal, with a few B's mixed in when a math course is tough for me. But last semester, oh god. A lot happened for me last semester, really. I got a job and worked through school, had a loved one move away/come back/move away. A lot happened. And I didn't focus as well as I should have. My mom was actually consoling me since I'm so hard on myself. She was like "You passed, that's all that matters." And I wanted to be like "Well, to me, a big fat ass C is a big fat ass FAIL."

My GPA went down, too, which means that starting now, I am going to be working my butt off for straight A's until I transfer. Berkeley/UPenn/NYU/SC, don't give up on me now! Mama's gonna surprise you.

source.

"Indeed, a long distance relationship CAN work, and it CAN prove to the world that love, truly, knows no boundaries."

1. There must always be whole-hearted trust and no room for suspicions.
2. Honesty is key. Even little details to a common day can go a long way.
3. Communication is important. And a call or e-mail can make the day seem a lot more brighter.
4. Always look to the fact that you will see each other soon within the interval that both are away. And think positively: there will come the day when long-distance will not be a factor anymore, as expected.
5. Doing something special for a person thousands of miles away (sending out a gift or writing a letter) will always mean a lot to both individuals.

second source.

Most importantly: Always love.

I've started a Swiss fund! I'm so excited!

Life is hard. Really hard. And when you feel like you could be at the lowest of your lows, when you feel like there's no hope, you feel like Life is just laughing at you and pointing out your flaws. You want to cry out "Why me? Why is this happening to me?" And so you do. You scream, you shout, you cry. Because you think that Life is really out to get you.

But, in reality, Life is just strengthening you. It's getting you ready for something monumental. It's guiding you through its course, allowing you "grow up" a little bit. And it's letting you know, that if you never stop believing, never stop dreaming...everything will turn in your favor.

Never stop believing. Never stop reaching your goals and never stop being who you truly want to be. The long road ahead is tough and will continue getting tough, but you have to stick it out. You have to be persistent, be strong, and in a sense, never give up. Never give up what you believe. Never give up what you know you can achieve. After all, once you stop believing, what'll happen to your dreams? Dreams are there for you to achieve. Dreams are not figments of the imagination, they are not there to only be thought. They are there to happen, they are there to come true.

So if you feel like you just can't handle it anymore, handle Life and all the curveballs that it's throwing you, look to the positive. Look to your strength. The strength you know you have. The strength that every person in the world possesses. Always believe, always inspire. Always be who you are. Love the people who make you who you are, love the experiences. Love everything that could ever possibly happen to you.

But most of all, never let Life put you down. When it asks you "Why?", retort back with a snort "Why not?" And when it tells you "No", always go with "Yes." Yes, you can do it. And yes, you're dreams will come true. Because you'll be the one making them come true.

I have a new blog. Specifically for Jade.

here.

I'll probably be updating there more than here from now on.

This week has been so hectic and tiring that I haven't really had a chance to relax. Tomorrow is my Freedom of Speech debate and I have a test. I can't wait for the weekend to come, but in a way, I like keeping myself busy.

My jaw hurts like a bitch right now, ughh. It feels like I just got clocked in the left side of my face. It hurts if I try to open my mouth. Hopefully, I'll feel better because I have to kick ass in my debate tomorrow. So little time, so much to do. I don't work any more this week which is good, but yesterday's time at work was pretty kickback. It was so empty, just the way I like it.

UC applications are due tomorrow and I still have to brush up on my personal statements. I should do that right now, or revise my Philosophy essay. Or work on my debate..So, that's all, I guess.

[Edit] My wisdom teeth are growing out, argghh! [/Edit]